Sunday, January 19, 2014

Though You Ruin Me, Still I Will Worship

After a while to reflect on and think about the shared video from last post I thought it was time to do some sharing of thoughts of my own.  It almost seems like cheating to just post someone else's really deep thoughts on my blog, even if it is just a link to their youtube video. But watching that video, listening and internalizing those words into my mind and heart, I felt compelled to share that because that is where I need to live.  

Living with fibro I find it really easy to occasionally hit these points of clarity and realization where I embrace that theology of "though You ruin me, yet I will worship."  It's easy to get there, but very difficult to stay there for very long.  It doesn't take too long for me to get sucked back into thinking that my life revolves around me, and to be sick or miserable or sad is to be failing somehow.  I am lulled back into thinking that my wants and desires are the most important thing in the world and everybody else should think that too.  

In other words, my mature theology has about a 5 second attention span.  I hate that.  I hate the thought that there is a clock on how long I maintain a correct perspective before it seems to set back to default of "creature of comforts."  I hate that although I know this truth and want to embrace this truth, I forget it all the time.  I would love to be able to get on here and say that this idea characterizes my life on a daily basis, but I don't think I can honestly say that yet.  I am gradually learning yet again that the call of the cross is not one to an easy life.  I want to embrace the fact that God's plans for my life may look nothing like what I have envisioned for myself.  I want to get to a point where more often than not and for longer than the couple minutes it takes to watch that song from the video I am fully and completely on my face with God saying and meaning it again and again, "though You ruin me, yet I will worship."  

1 comment:

  1. thanks for this confession, Katie.