For those of you who just did a double take, no--Jon and I did not have yet another wedding. We did, however, spend a few days last weekend completely engulfed in the wedding of two very close friends. I won't pretend that there weren't last minute headaches, 5-a-day trips to WalMart for extra supplies, miscommunications galore, missed details, time crunch stress, disaster area kitchens, and most other hectic events commonly experienced in today's wedding scene. But typical wedding chaos aside, this was by no means your typical wedding.
I guess lots of people think that weddings they are heavily-involved in are special and unique. It sounds like a cliche. But while most maids of honor are out stressing over the details of the decorations or meticulously planning special parties for nervous brides, I hit my limits long before the work was done. To top things off, I realized the morning of the wedding I had completely forgotten to actually purchase the wedding present...
Yeah, it was that kind of weekend. I had a lot of times before the wedding when I felt like a complete failure--as a friend, as a wife, as a worker, as a Christian in general, as a human being...
Many of my thoughts in the weeks preceding the ceremony included all the traditional roles I wasn't living up to, all the responsibilities I was supposed to be helping with, and how overwhelming the remaining things to be done sounded. I felt trapped beneath the weight of culture's expectations for a wedding (including those specifically for a maid of honor). In moments of this lost perspective, my fibro reared its ugly head and tried to make me forget why I was even a part of the wedding to start with. That could have drastically affected my view of this wedding and the days leading up to and directly following it. I could have found myself sinking into the darkness and fog of comparison and guilt and wondering why God would put me in this spot of wanting to help and do certain things and then not give me the energy and power to do them. It could also have negatively affected relationships with all involved. Thanks be to God, it didn't. What I haven't told you about this wedding yet, is that both the bride and the groom were not in this wedding for themselves.
This might seem odd, especially considering culture's idea of what marriage is about today, but they truly weren't. From start to finish, this wedding was not about getting the perfect decorations, finding the most breath-taking photographic angle, or getting a picture-perfect cake. This wedding party was not there to worship the bride and groom. They were there to worship Someone else. This was a celebration--grace was on display. God brought together a man and a woman who are both fallen sinners, who both struggle to trust Him with their biggest, deepest, scariest hurts. A couple who are perfectly paired to bring out each other's most drastic insecurities and weaknesses, and yet are also perfectly designed to be the method most used by God to bring about their deepest healing. What we saw at that church was not a perfectly engineered and manufactured Kodak moment or a Hallmark movie ending. It was a public display of gracious, transparent, vulnerable, risk-taking, committed, self-sacrificing love. It was a symbol of Christ taking His church with all her weakness and vulnerability and scooping her up in His arms and embracing her to himself. It was a visible reminder that in Christ, broken people are restored and healed and loved. It was Gospel.
Why am I sharing this on a fibro blog? I know, this is sounding a little more wedding-ish than my normal posts, but I share this here because I was struck to the core by the amount of grace that went into this wedding. Not only was the public presentation extremely Gospel-centered, but the whole preparation and understanding involved behind-the-scenes exuded grace from start to finish.
I am pretty sure that I could be in the running for worst bridesmaid of the year, but that was not the point. The point was, grace. I felt so privileged to get a ringside seat for this tribute to Gospel. My fibro has kept me from doing a lot of things, and will probably prevent me from doing many more in the future. One thing it could not steal was the opportunity to proclaim grace with my sister and (now) brother on a very special day. I could relate to their feelings of vulnerability, and I could praise my God for their willingness to make that day about His work in their lives, rather than their feelings or plans. Whatever lies ahead for them, I know that God is in it, and He will finish what He has started in them. Grace and peace to Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Brown. <3
P.S. Your wedding present is coming in the mail ;)
I guess lots of people think that weddings they are heavily-involved in are special and unique. It sounds like a cliche. But while most maids of honor are out stressing over the details of the decorations or meticulously planning special parties for nervous brides, I hit my limits long before the work was done. To top things off, I realized the morning of the wedding I had completely forgotten to actually purchase the wedding present...
Yeah, it was that kind of weekend. I had a lot of times before the wedding when I felt like a complete failure--as a friend, as a wife, as a worker, as a Christian in general, as a human being...
Many of my thoughts in the weeks preceding the ceremony included all the traditional roles I wasn't living up to, all the responsibilities I was supposed to be helping with, and how overwhelming the remaining things to be done sounded. I felt trapped beneath the weight of culture's expectations for a wedding (including those specifically for a maid of honor). In moments of this lost perspective, my fibro reared its ugly head and tried to make me forget why I was even a part of the wedding to start with. That could have drastically affected my view of this wedding and the days leading up to and directly following it. I could have found myself sinking into the darkness and fog of comparison and guilt and wondering why God would put me in this spot of wanting to help and do certain things and then not give me the energy and power to do them. It could also have negatively affected relationships with all involved. Thanks be to God, it didn't. What I haven't told you about this wedding yet, is that both the bride and the groom were not in this wedding for themselves.
This might seem odd, especially considering culture's idea of what marriage is about today, but they truly weren't. From start to finish, this wedding was not about getting the perfect decorations, finding the most breath-taking photographic angle, or getting a picture-perfect cake. This wedding party was not there to worship the bride and groom. They were there to worship Someone else. This was a celebration--grace was on display. God brought together a man and a woman who are both fallen sinners, who both struggle to trust Him with their biggest, deepest, scariest hurts. A couple who are perfectly paired to bring out each other's most drastic insecurities and weaknesses, and yet are also perfectly designed to be the method most used by God to bring about their deepest healing. What we saw at that church was not a perfectly engineered and manufactured Kodak moment or a Hallmark movie ending. It was a public display of gracious, transparent, vulnerable, risk-taking, committed, self-sacrificing love. It was a symbol of Christ taking His church with all her weakness and vulnerability and scooping her up in His arms and embracing her to himself. It was a visible reminder that in Christ, broken people are restored and healed and loved. It was Gospel.
Why am I sharing this on a fibro blog? I know, this is sounding a little more wedding-ish than my normal posts, but I share this here because I was struck to the core by the amount of grace that went into this wedding. Not only was the public presentation extremely Gospel-centered, but the whole preparation and understanding involved behind-the-scenes exuded grace from start to finish.
I am pretty sure that I could be in the running for worst bridesmaid of the year, but that was not the point. The point was, grace. I felt so privileged to get a ringside seat for this tribute to Gospel. My fibro has kept me from doing a lot of things, and will probably prevent me from doing many more in the future. One thing it could not steal was the opportunity to proclaim grace with my sister and (now) brother on a very special day. I could relate to their feelings of vulnerability, and I could praise my God for their willingness to make that day about His work in their lives, rather than their feelings or plans. Whatever lies ahead for them, I know that God is in it, and He will finish what He has started in them. Grace and peace to Mr. and Mrs. Jeremiah Brown. <3
P.S. Your wedding present is coming in the mail ;)
Great perspective. It was definitely a grace-filled wedding. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteIm sorry to hear youre still having headaches, but seeing it as "..a celebration (because) - grace was on display." is truly a thought worth any pain.
ReplyDelete